Latisse Eyelash Medicine & Everything Wrong About America

The FDA has approved the new eyelash enhancing drug Latisse, by Allergan, makers of that life saving wonderdrug Botox. Last night, I saw a commercial for the stuff. Side effects include redness, eye irritation, discomfort, blurred vision, blindness, and thicker, fuller eyelashes. Oh wait, that last one is the intended effect.

I hate to say it, but every so often I see a product like this and think: this is why terrorists hate us. Can you blame them? While Americans are taking to the street donning colonial garb to protest tax hikes to pay for universal health coverage, we're throwing our lettuce down and risking permanent darkness for longer lashes. Are these even desirable? Granted, I'm not a woman, but as a man I must note that I've never sat around with the guys and talked about how hot Cindy's eyelashes looked last night.

Also, I hate to beat a dead horse, but the next thought that came to mind (after the "Jesus I hope Al-Queda doesn't see this commercial" reaction) was why this country allows people to risk their organs to look like Brooke Shields but arrests marijuana smokers, even those using the herb medicinally. If pot is illegal, then Latisse should be illegal.

Oh and these things should be prohibited too:

(Disclaimer, I don't actually think all these things should be illegal, just that they are more harmful than marijuana.)

-Cosmetic Surgery, unless you are horribly disfigured. Poor Kanye lost his mama.

-Alcohol: 75,000 deaths per year.

-Kobe Bryant: Cockier than Ron Jeremy.

-Tobacco: Only beneficial use is as a laxative.

-Dane Cook. Seriously, yelling something doesn't make it a joke. This asshole has a whole comedy routine about Burger King.

-Combination Pizza Hut & Taco Bells: For once in your life, make a damn decision! Do you want tacos or pizza for dinner? I loved the Das Racist song though.

-SUV'S: Bad for the environment, and being driven by people who like Dane Cook. If you get into an accident with an SUV, chances of injury increase dramatically, unless of course you're also driving an SUV.

-Those Ed Hardy T-Shirts: Tramp stamps for men.

-Harry Potter: Godless witchcraft and sorcery.

-Gossip Girl: Godless bitchcraft.

-Cold Cuts: Cold and slimey.